And just like that, four years have gone by.
Four years since my last post. That feels like a lifetime, right? It does to me, at least.
To say a lot has happened in those four years is the understatement of the century. To sum it up in the form of the most notable events, in no particular order:
- The world entered a global pandemic, and the way we lived our day-to-day lives changed overnight
- I got engaged, and then married, twice (to the same person, we just had two weddings lol)
- We bought our first home
- I got pregnant, and delivered our sweet baby boy
- We witnessed countless friends get married and start families of their own
- I went to hell & back with my depression and anxiety
- We elected a new democratic president and finally got to say goodbye to Trump
- I read over 100 books
- We traveled to Paris, Colombia, the Dominican Republic, Mexico, and many places across the United States
- I was promoted to manager at work
- We marched and rallied in support of Black Lives everywhere
- Roe v. Wade was overturned, and we’ve watched as our government has struggled to implement any positive policies
- The world has been in turmoil more than we have seen peace. There is a lot to say here but the Russia/Ukraine war and Israel/Palestine conflict to name just two instances
- And most recently (like, 2 days ago) I turned 30
That list doesn’t do it justice, but I think it gives a glimpse of what has been going on here.
And amidst all of that, I stopped writing.
This is my first post in four years and it’s like ripping off a bandaid. I looked at the date on my last post and at first felt incredibly defeated. How did I let myself fall so far from where I once was? When did I stop thinking the words I had to say were worth sharing? When did I stop having anything to say at all?
And I wanted to close this window and bury it deep again. But what good would that do? I want to write again. I want to be here, even if it will take me some time to figure it all out again.
So here I am. Ripping off the bandaid. A little rusty, a little unsure of what words to type on this page, but I’m typing, and right now that’s all that matters.
The past few years have been monumental for me. Not just with everything going on in the world, but with everything happening to me personally. I’ve grown up a lot, learned a lot, and lost myself, too. So coming back to the thing I’ve always loved–writing–is my effort to find that part of myself again.
If there’s one lesson that sticks out to me from these past four years, it’s that life ebbs and flows. Generic, right? But it all boils down to that. Life is a cycle. There are highs and lows. Ups and down. Good and bad. It’s never just black and white, but it is always in contrast with itself. We can never have all good, or all bad, though it my seem that way when we are in the thick of a dark season. There is always hope to be had, always something good to hold onto. But on the opposite side, when we are in a season of light, there is always a hint of something there to humble us. It is a dichotomy within itself, opposing forces working against each other but towards the same goal.
So we take each season for what it is–knowing something else is just around the corner. But learning to live in the moment because that is all that is guaranteed.
Despite these ebbs and flows I know I am so lucky to be where I am, to have what I have, and to know it’s always worth it to stay. I am wanted here. You are wanted here.
Evan Petschke 